A journey starts somewhere

I started a journey this week. No idea how long it will take to get to my destination but I know I will get there (or die trying).

I have enough experience being close to death, and bearly living, knowing I'll get through. If I've done that, I really can do anything.

What is my desired destination? To see women truly valued, equally, with the same privilege of autonomy and having the locus of control for their lives and willpower in their own hands. A woman should feel free to choose who she shall love, how she shall love them and not be told that her desires are masculine and ungodly if she decides and pursues those things that she wants to see. As if initiative is manly.

For me, the crux of the matter is 1 Timothy 2:12 where Paul seems to say women are not allowed to preach/teach men. This is however destructive to not only the progress of God's kingdom, but also to marriages, family, friendship groups, basically anywhere that men and women interact. If men have authority over women but women do not have authority over men, this is where the trouble starts.

Part of why it's a big deal is that there are women who have succumbed to the belief that they are meant to play second fiddle to men as if God ordained it himself. We are insidiously indoctrinated to believe that our lives revolve around men and that men are the "number ones", the "stars", the "lead actors" of life and we are the "supporting roles".

Another reason is for all the men who benevolently believe that by patronizing women, "allowing" women to hold positions of power, or have moments of authority, or giving their blessing to preach "this or that time", or providing their "covering", that they are fulfilling some God-given role of approving of women. These men need a wake-up call and a get well soon card.

Yeah, you read that right. Get well soon. The world so dearly needs you to. But I digress.

This week I have decided to be Egalitarian. Truly. I have been indoctrinated with Complementarianism so it's an undo it yourself process, and disentangle myself. I believe I was mainly influenced by Egalitarian beliefs growing up so to be told I'm Feminist is quite a shock to me. When one is Egalitarian there really isn't a need for Feminism. Everybody is equally valued, so there is no need to bring in the heavyweights to balance things out. However we're still not balanced yet, so it's time to bring in the heavyweights and get this thing right.

For the record, freedom songs like the one above, are only necessary when there is an abuse/imbalance of power. Just think about that.

If we were all free, we wouldn't need freedom songs.

'Until we are all free, we are none of us free.' Emma Lazarus

What is love

Feeling philosophical mainly because of other people. People specifically of the opposite gender. For me, I feel like love is simple. A value. A passion. An attitude. Which turns naturally into actions. Kind actions, supportive actions, positive actions.

We don't always get that right as humans so to me, love also includes "making right". It's vague what that entails but maybe that's the point at which people discover their "compatibility".

While people use the word love, it also confuses me. I think I prefer the word 'like' better than some people's definition of love. Somehow like is a very personal thing and a bit more concrete than love. 'Like' sounds like a specific taste that delights you. It sounds like you've had experience and you know you enjoy this thing.

I don't know why some people (of the opposite sex) all of a sudden, at some ripe old philosophical age have some epiphany of what love is, even when they've been married for 40 years. What were they doing that whole time?

As an aside: I really don't know why a contemporary of mine was so uncomfortable about the word 'lover'. What is so repulsive about being a 'lover'? Seems like a natural word for me to use for people who love.

A joyous necessity of life

Dear friends and readers,

I'd like to draw attention to a one of my collections on Pinterest. In fact, I'd like to regularly draw attention to it. It's entitled "Happiness Project" and it's my go-to place when I'm feeling down.

During my lifetime, I've struggled with depression (teenage years), panic attacks (early twenties) and brain fog (late twenties/early thirties) and I'm at a point where I can say I have beaten all three! On the strength of that, I would like to encourage others to keep trying and keep believing.

My "Happiness Project" is rather a large collection of articles and images. Some are educational/informative, some are inspirational/encouraging and others are just feed-good mood-boosters.

I have come to the conclusion that happiness is not a luxury, and it should be considered a necessity. Having suffered from depression during formative years, I realise how destructive it is to self-image and decision-making when you have negative thoughts and moods pulling your thoughts down. I don't believe that those thoughts and feelings are a true reflection of one's self and taking a personality test that gives the result of "Melancholic" when you're depressed isn't really telling you your fortune! (For a better test of personality, independant of current mood or occupation, use MBTI)

Decision-making is a key aspect to success as an adult, and the launch point of adulthood is being a teenager, so decision-making is crucial during that time too. I would say it near impossible to make good decisions when you are depressed. Your thinking is so clouded you literally cannot think straight, how can you possibly make promising decisions for your future?

With those 2 points in mind, I will say without a doubt your happiness as an integrated part of your well-being is essential and not something you can afford to live without. You're not just missing out on feeling good, you're missing out on who you really are as well as missing out on the opportunities, risks, action and experiences you would take if you had the right mental and emotional constitution. If you're inclined to be self-less at all you will also appreciate that you are robbing those around you of knowing you in a better light too and experiencing the skills and talents that you can provide them.

As Dr Amen says, mental health is contagious. Thoughts and attitudes rub off on others so a healthy dose of community consciousness and sense of social responsibility is a good thing and goes both ways. Who in your life is dragging you down and who in your life can you build up? What to do about it is a life long activity in itself! But just bearing that in mind, as a way of caring for self and others is a positive thought and attitude for approaching social interactions. You don't have to believe and accept everything you hear, but neither do you have to verbalise every thought just because it's "honest". Sometimes keeping quiet is more beneficial than giving air to destructive "honest" thoughts and feelings.

Thanks for reading. I hope you enjoyed that and feel better prepared to tackle tangled thoughts and elusive disenchanted emotions. For more supportive ideas and pictures of kittens, please click on Happiness Project

Blue skills

What I mean to say is, I have skills at things that are commonly considered man things to do.
I have found, that even though I can do them, I often don't get the chance to do them, as even the least competent guy will take responsibility for many of these things:

1. Braaing. I love braaing... At least I remember I loved it those one or two times I did it about 10+ years ago. These days I obviously don't get practice, and I hear there's this art and that technique...
2. I could probably change a wheel without a worry (save for my own personal safety from lurking men), though I haven't had to.
3. Change a light bulb, obviously.
4. Could probably change a plug, though, again I haven't had to.
5. I can play chess and beat boys.
6. I can play foosball and beat boys.
7. I can play ten pin bowling and beat boys (I once came 3rd out of a mixed group of about 21 people, and it made a guy pretty grumpy when he took me ten-pin bowling for a date.)
8. I can make cool stuff out of lego (Was told it looked like a boy made it, and I wish I could say I take that as a compliment, but no.)
9. I can jumpstart a car with jumper cables, the proper way.
10. I can even pray before a meal (lol, to all the Christian ladies out there. You know what I'm talking about!)

Smoke and cupboards

I've just recently fumigated my apartment using Fumitab. The fumigation part was fun and painless, and the part where I went to go check on the results was cool (loads of dead bugs of various sorts, as I expected), but the part where I had to pack everything away, and now the part where I'm wiping and cleaning everything, is pretty tiring.

Considering I have chronic fatigue (CFS) and have to avoid over-exerting myself, everything has to be paced. Wiping one cupboard, then rest, then the next one, then rest, and so on.

To have the energy for this I'm taking AIM Barley Life, Solal Burnout and also Solal Memory Support (because I'm listening to a MOOC I'm studying, by Coursera, and need to concentrate).

Just taking a break now to catch my breath and write this post, while sipping a mug of hot cocoa and coconut milk. There's something about having chronic fatigue that forces you to celebrate the small things and slow down and appreciate where you're at........... so I'm checking out two clean cupboards and admiring the white cleanliness.

My House is for Humans

I've done a fair amount of house sitting in my time and I must be honest there are some things that really freak me out with how other people live, not the least of which is the insects.

I really can't deal with it. My house is for humans and I'll teach any insect a lesson that tries to join me!

Here are some of my tips: (Safe for fish)

Keep grubby, wet, organic waste in a lid sealed bid (preferably with a pedal!). Open bins for waste paper and other non-icky things
Keep plugs in basins/bath when not in use.
Burn incense
Burn candles
Use citronella cream
Use Tabard
Use blue death powder
Try not to have any windows or doors open when lights are on *
Keep windows closed that are near outside drains and pipe openings *
Ensure cupboard doors (especially kitchen) are sealed/closed properly with no gaps
Keep surfaces clean (especially kitchen)
Do not leave food items lying around in the kitchen!
Store pantry items in sealed containers
Keep kitchen floor clean
Ensure all fittings in the house are fitted flush with other surfaces
Mosquito net, Fly door
Net covers for food
Ant traps, Roach traps
Ensure there is no still water around your house/premises
Fumigate (not safe for fish) -- A follow-up session 2 weeks later is a good idea to catch new insects

*If you do have windows open/light on, burn incense or candles, and also ensure blue death powder is along the outside surface edge.

An extra tip:

I'm been eating organic food recently and I learnt a trick with getting rid of bugs on organic produce: Rinse in vinegar :)

Dear Blogosphere

Since I haven't written a blog post in a really long time, I'm so rusty. I feel like I need to update my blog like a Dear diary post just to fill you in. One of the coolest changes for me has been moving from singleness to the relationship hood.

I've been dating now for 7 months (I had to count that on my fingers lol) and of course that's been a whole new experience for me. Especially after 2012, when I decided I wasn't being very successful in this department and thought I better prepare for being single in the long term. You know, like, mentally, emotionally and financially - which I did.

So here I am in a relationship and I do think that's rather grand! Another thing, I must admit, is that I've recently quit [visiting] Facebook. I can't say I quit Facebook completely, as I honestly think that would make some things a bit harder, and my philosophy with living with chronic fatigue has been to make things as systematically easy for myself as I can. But mostly, Facebook for me is no longer about the connections with people at all. It's merely for logins to sites and connections with pages of interest.

Well "Dear diary" I must apologise for this brief post as I'm really pooped now and don't know what else to say except that I'm really looking forward to bed! Oh, and it's a "school night". Sweet dreams.